So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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