So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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