The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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