Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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