Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
