I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
