he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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