Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
