gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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