Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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