So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
