you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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