a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
