apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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