so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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