a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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