Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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