She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
