Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
