does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
