fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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