Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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