You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize