I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
