The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
