I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
