Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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