Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
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