Please, let me fuck your mom
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
