I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
