3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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