Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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