i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
