you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
