Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
