You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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