he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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