Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
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dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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