dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
