i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
