We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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