There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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