watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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