I want to walk on stilts...naked
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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