so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
