i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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