im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
