we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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