I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
