Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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