I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
