The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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