I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
