I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
