Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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