dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
