Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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