Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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