I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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