Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
