I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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